I ended up seeing he had a lot of issues and his refusal to
look inward, know himself, understand his feelings, acknowledge what he was
ignoring, no… it wasn’t so much lies as it was a TOTAL LACK of honesty. These
are two different things.
The reason I bring this up is not at all related to the ex-boyfriend, it’s because I see that many find it so hard to be honest with themselves; about all sorts of things. The more honest I am with myself the less “confused” I feel about anything. So I personally want to be brutally honest. I hate confusion.
The reason I bring this up is not at all related to the ex-boyfriend, it’s because I see that many find it so hard to be honest with themselves; about all sorts of things. The more honest I am with myself the less “confused” I feel about anything. So I personally want to be brutally honest. I hate confusion.
We all have “things” that exist in our minds through
conditioning that we tell ourselves we are not supposed to feel. And then, how
often when you feel these unavoidable and unacceptable feeling do you say to
yourself: “Hey, why am I feeling this? How big a deal is this? I’ve been
feeling this for a long time now.”?
Ya, NEVER.
Ya, NEVER.
Why is that?
Good question. Because you have in your head some reason why you SHOULDN’T. You can’t be honest and just admit you DO. So whether you ignore your “unacceptable” feelings or you make up a story to tell yourself instead… you refuse to be honest.
By doing this, and hanging onto the thing you are telling yourself INSTEAD, you allow something that is unhealthy for you and you make it MORE unhealthy. The irony is that if you were to just look at it and be Honest, you could very well solve the problem you have or at least be healthy with it by doing the honesty thing.
Good question. Because you have in your head some reason why you SHOULDN’T. You can’t be honest and just admit you DO. So whether you ignore your “unacceptable” feelings or you make up a story to tell yourself instead… you refuse to be honest.
By doing this, and hanging onto the thing you are telling yourself INSTEAD, you allow something that is unhealthy for you and you make it MORE unhealthy. The irony is that if you were to just look at it and be Honest, you could very well solve the problem you have or at least be healthy with it by doing the honesty thing.
Part of why being honest with yourself matters so much is
because of where you go mentally when you keep refusing to find the honesty to
say what’s really up. To DEAL on a conscious level with what’s happening in your
heart, mind, life, wherever, is how you become more mentally healthy.
And if you think I’m referring to only big
things-Addictions, Affairs, Drugs…NO! I mean ANYTHING!! Whether it’s a
friendship that is harmful, a job that robs your joy, fill in the blank…because
everyone is struggling to look at the uncomfortable parts of life and just be
honest.
And you know it stands to reason…if you CAN’T be honest with
yourself, are you really being honest with others? And your inability to be
honest with yourself is almost never invisible. People can see it. So what do
you think they think you are doing with them? Being DIShonest likely.
The stories you are telling yourself about the things you
can’t look in the eye and admit to being there makes you a story-teller. NOT an
honest person. How many stories are you telling, and wouldn’t you rather be
healthy and just be honest? It’s far easier than you think.
Back when I too was afraid of honesty, I was at least
willing to admit I was chicken-shit. If you aren’t familiar with the term, it
means scared/afraid. I was too chicken-shit to ask myself what I was feeling,
and I was double that amount of chicken-shit when it came to considering
answers. How did I get out of it? My discomfort from my lack of honesty
outweighed the fear of my chicken-shit state…and I quit closing my eyes.
From there I learned that like most excuses we tell ourselves, and the stories we come up with, the truth and honesty is actually FAR FROM scary. I have not had any of the honesty jump up and stab me when I looked at it. It did nothing TO me. I look, feel, and UNDERSTAND. Being in a position of understanding is one of the most comfortable places to be, EVEN WHEN what you are looking at or admitting to is a “bad” thing. (I don’t say bad meaning bad, I say bad because of the nature of what you can’t be honest with yourself about…assuming its bad.)
I have a blog post called Shelves and Tables. This is similar to taking a “thing” and setting it on the table in front of you. Removing yourself, and stepping back to look at it from all angles. It’s liberating, it clarifying, it’s informational on many scales, and more than anything it’s HEALTHY. Do this with honesty and you won’t be sorry. You’ll be clearer in your own mind, and in the eyes of others.
From there I learned that like most excuses we tell ourselves, and the stories we come up with, the truth and honesty is actually FAR FROM scary. I have not had any of the honesty jump up and stab me when I looked at it. It did nothing TO me. I look, feel, and UNDERSTAND. Being in a position of understanding is one of the most comfortable places to be, EVEN WHEN what you are looking at or admitting to is a “bad” thing. (I don’t say bad meaning bad, I say bad because of the nature of what you can’t be honest with yourself about…assuming its bad.)
I have a blog post called Shelves and Tables. This is similar to taking a “thing” and setting it on the table in front of you. Removing yourself, and stepping back to look at it from all angles. It’s liberating, it clarifying, it’s informational on many scales, and more than anything it’s HEALTHY. Do this with honesty and you won’t be sorry. You’ll be clearer in your own mind, and in the eyes of others.
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