The older you get the more you have in your library of life.
The stories accumulate, the pictures increase, the lessons become vast, and the
ability to compare is totally different than it was when you were 8.
Years aren’t the only thing that increases the size of ones
library. Paying attention as the lessons come at you and then cataloging them
so you don’t have to learn the lesson again. And not just that, but the ability
one might have to relate a lesson to other aspects of life. Two people could
be the exact same age, but one could have a million more lessons in their
library to draw from and use for comparisons.
Each of us has had very different experiences that mold us
into the person we currently are. People come into our worlds in every shape
and dynamic. Some coordinate, some don’t. It’s the comparisons of previous
relationships/lessons that save me much time and heartache. I have learned
there are those that coordinate, fit, work, click, and allow ME personally to
decide what does and doesn’t serve my happiness.
I say it that way because I decided in my teens what the
meaning of life is. Even at a young age when I was tucked up in religion, I had
that giant light bulb of realization for me -that the meaning of life is happiness.
The aim, the goal, the point, the reason for it all… is to be happy. Not that
this has to be the meaning of life for anyone else, but due to the size of the
light bulb for me… this is MY meaning of life. And frankly, every person gets
to decide what their meaning is, or that there is none. Our only real freedom
is what we think, and some give that freedom away to be TOLD… only to
regurgitate something that is NOT from their own heart and mind. Which is
different from saying one can learn OF something and decide to incorporate it
into their belief system.
I digress…
If the meaning of life for me is to be happy, and my library
of life has many examples for me to compare things/people against, I should
really be a little more honest with myself when a relationship (two people
relating) looks and feels like something that isn’t bringing happiness. Thing
is, I’m a classic enabler… doing my best to be happy, making sure others are
happy, and trying to lighten the mood wherever possible. “Everything’s ok, and
here’s why…” I buck up, and just ‘do’ with a jolly fist punch/bent elbow
through the air, telling myself that everything will be ok if I stick it out.
This is not utilizing my library. Nor is it following my
core belief for the meaning of life. Because enabling is insisting I don’t have
to use the library, and that I don’t have comparisons to draw from. Years of
conditioning made me the amazing enabler I am today, but being an enabler is
false happiness. It’s the goal of happiness and it stops there. Enabling
is something I need to stop because I have a pretty f***ing amazing library. I
have some INCREDIBLE people and relationships to compare others against.
And bluntly, when I have friends that make me so excited to
see their name flash across my phone, and others that make me feel dread,
therein lies the ease in using the library. Right there is my comparison.
My muse told me the other day: “There is goodness in the
rubble and we choose to keep sifting…way past the point of diminishing
returns.” My muse is right. The enabler in me wants to keep sifting, insisting,
and trying, despite what one could call “proof” there is no longer good reason to sift.. I have the comparisons, I have
the information I need in my library. How about using it?
