There is so much that frustrates me about my job, and so
much I love. The people I work with are definitely part of the love and it
wouldn’t be inaccurate to say some have become the highlight of my life. Which
I’m sure would sound pathetic to some, since I don’t have children or a husband
to say that about, but for me, that possibly-pathetic-fact means that I have
that space open to seeing the specialness in anyone and them being a
“highlight”.
And let’s define what I’m considering “specialness”. It’s an
inner beauty. A window people provide to see their genuine nature and for you
to feel love for them. We all know someone who has the ability to listen to you
on levels the rest of the world won’t. They don’t just hear you, but they relate
to you, interact with you, share with you, and respect you… and vice versa.
Which might be me realizing that one has to be special in order to see someone
who is special.
And then… not everyone who is special is unguarded, that’s
an additional element I’m thinking about lately. Unguarded is hard to describe
because it’s a way some people have. Same with the guarded. The guarded
ones are hard to read, hard to understand, easy to offend, they are stiff, they
don’t show emotion or communication with their expression. They won’t use words
to help you know where you stand or where they are coming from. They are
difficult in multiple ways that leave you feeling like they refuse to
understand, refuse to communicate, and refuse to relate on a genuine platform. So
really, I just explained what someone unguarded doesn’t do.
And that’s also why I refer to their ease. The older I get
the less I have room for things that frustrate, confuse, or unnecessarily takes
energy from me. Dealing with or trying to understand a guarded person is so
much harder. They often have an aloof control drama that has to be part of all
interaction with them… which is very much a way to steal energy. Many of us
even say, “I have no more energy for so-and-so right now”. Without actually
realizing that yes, they take energy. We see it more as being too tired for
them to be in our space any more for a while. Same goes for people playing
“mind games”… they are after energy. Speaking of which, just interacting with
them and allowing them to feel powerful or as though they can control your
feelings is how they take energy without your permission. So NO interaction is
the only solution there.
I have two young people in my life right now that are like
poster children for this thought about being unguarded and guarded. They are 17
and 19. To write about them in the same sentence brings me feelings of anxiety
because I would be horrified if the 17 year old ever met the 19 year old, and
the amazingly beautiful unguarded nature of the 17 year old was tainted by the
19 year old. I’m suddenly feeling all protective at the thought because I see
the unguarded person as so incredibly perfect in her ability to be herself when
she tells a story, asks a question, or just sits and hangs out, content with
herself and life. The 19 year old is yes, two years older and might (MIGHT) be
guarded because of those two huge years from 17 to 19 when you suddenly have to
grow up a chunk. Sure personal circumstances and pain in life are factors in
how guarded or unguarded a person is, but I think it’s possible that the 19
year old was far less guarded at 17. Plus he is a guy. So Ya, I’m comparing
apples and oranges because girls have so much more emotion overall, it’s easy
to interact with more emotion when you have it to begin with. I know guys in
general are more shallow in everything, but for my point, gender doesn’t matter
because I know guys who are Unguarded, and they are a joy to interact with.
While I have this guarded/unguarded nature on my radar and I
meet new people (which is constantly) I am buoyed up in my hope for the world
the more I see the unguarded ease in strangers. Just lately, I think I need
more hope in people.
If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I have a “thing” for self esteem. I’m preoccupied by it constantly, and write endlessly about it. Although I’m not going to turn this into a self esteem essay, I do want to just hypothesize that a guarded person is far less comfortable in their skin than an unguarded person. Being unguarded means that you are making gestures, expressions, feeling chill, and seemingly far more comfortable with yourself than someone who appears to be “unable” to show the same.
If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know I have a “thing” for self esteem. I’m preoccupied by it constantly, and write endlessly about it. Although I’m not going to turn this into a self esteem essay, I do want to just hypothesize that a guarded person is far less comfortable in their skin than an unguarded person. Being unguarded means that you are making gestures, expressions, feeling chill, and seemingly far more comfortable with yourself than someone who appears to be “unable” to show the same.
