My take on Love vs. In Love

I should have decided to commit words to this thought sooner. I spend a fair amount of time thinking about Love in general.

I’m a pretty loving person, even if those I love don’t hear me say it all the time, I try to BE loving; which isn't hard for me.  (I have to clarify: Now that I’m older.)

I've been noticing the friends on fb that seem to ‘promote’ love vs. those that don’t, what their personalities are like, and how comfortable in their own skin they seem to be or not be.

Here’s what I've noticed. Some people in this world have figured out that general love of others; they've accepted a love space that isn't awkward or painful. Some understand that when you allow yourself to Care, you allow yourself to Love. Which is OK. But for some… they are just terrified of it because of being bitten in the Ass before by what they have chosen to believe was Love. I mean they decided it was love that hurt, and not the person they loved. To correct that thought for them: No, it was the person that hurt… not the Love.

I personally feel it’s possible that I don’t love any two people the same, and yet, I love so many. This word “LOVE” is just one word, we have to use it for so many instances, so many conditions, so many many’s. I’d like it if there were degrees of this word –I think that would be healthy. Then those that find it hard to love, could still use a version of the word. They would possibly understand what they are feeling even better.

Now, the IN LOVE…
I think being IN love is very different because that space looks like intimacy; trusting, kissing, caring, holding, comforting, touching, supporting…. There are so many things that can be said about being IN LOVE and they all center around two people having a connection that they both treat with great respect and importance, because this person you respect –and they are important. 

The unspoken part of Communication called Intonation.

Technically it is spoken, because we see the reactions people have to intonation they hear. What we don’t see often, is the clear realization of intonation spoken… by the speaker. (What they are communicating in addition to the words they are using)

I have a fascination with intonation, so that being the case, I notice it all the time, in my words, in the words of others, and in the conversations I just happen to overhear.

Another word for intonation could be manipulation. I don’t mean manipulation in the cruel sense of the word, I mean manipulating words to be more than just words, to be FEELINGS.
Some people just talk… without any intonation, others, use intonation as a whole ‘nother way to say something more… More, as in, I’m happy, I’m frustrated, I’m skeptical, I’m disappointed. It seems most people are keener to HEAR intonation, than they are to realizing they are speaking with it.

This is most obvious when you happen to be a bystander as a fight breaks out in front of you. Like with married friends. The next time you are in that uncomfortable situation, take the opportunity to hear the extra communication going on through the intonation they have, and also see if you can tell if the person hearing the most severe intonation is not also the one getting the most offended or upset.

Growing Eh?

The first time I saw some real change in my life was at the end of my twenties... I learned a few lessons, and looked back in awe at myself. I was all amazed that I suddenly figured something out, and bettered myself from it. I suppose I figured that since I could walk, was potty trained, and could talk... that I was no longer a baby.

I knew I could Learn, but I hadn't considered I could Grow!

When I reached 30, I was all amazed at how much growing I'd done in my 20's. Again, for some reason I thought I was done.

In my 30's I grew even more! Who knew? Somebody could have told me...

Now at the round shiny number of 40, I've finally realized... I'm never going to stop growing. (or learning)
In fact, I insist on it. It would be fair to say in the last two years, I had more growth than the eight before. Finally stepping back, looking at myself, at life, at the many dynamics we have with others (no two alike), I'm hoping the next 40 years bring me 100 times more 'light bulbs' than the last.

Finally being willing to grow... that was key.

Taking off those rose colored glasses, and not being so damn afraid of what I would see...

...was the best thing I could have done.

Finding Look and Feel

Look and Feel is crazy important to me. We are all happy to say "Don't judge a book by it's cover" but really...
What makes your favorite flower your favorite flower? The fact you find it the loveliest... it either looks the best or smells the best. It appeals!
So, although this is just a blog, this place needs to feel like somewhere to visit if I want guests. And I do want guests?
... Please, come in... Have a seat, here's a cuppa', lets talk, lets grow, lets be learning from one another.

Back to Look and Feel...
I have a fascination with perspective. You could also say I want to be comfortable. I want to see everything in life in a way that doesn't hurt, doesn't bring down, doesn't diminish me in any way.
BUT
At the same time, I don't want to keep putting on blinders. I don't want to have to lie to myself about anything. Life is painful, sometimes unbearable, but if the goal is to be happy, why not help the goal with the search for Great Perspective?  Life is all about learning. It's one of the things we do the most, it's one of the things we find the easiest, so why not do it and continue making life better?  Right?

Making it better.... THAT is what it boils down to. Cause Better is always BETTER!!

Welcome Friend.